IKEA-kommode = kærlighed / IKEA dresser = love

Ser du det, når din partner viser dig kærlighed? 

Do you see it when your partner shows you love?

Min mand og jeg købte forleden en stor dobbeltkommode fra IKEA. Som de fleste ved, så er det kun noget, man kaster sig ud i, når man virkelig har brug for det. Og den var ganske rigtig møgbesværlig at samle (bl.a. fordi det med at følge brugsanvisninger kan være en udfordring for nogen - mig fx). Det betød, at min mand gik i gang med at samle den. Og nu er den færdig. Undervejs i processen gik det op for mig, at den kommode var en synlig manifestation af min mands kærlighed til mig. Han ville ikke selv have købt den, og han ville næppe have valgt lige præcis den, hvis han selv skulle vælge. Men fordi jeg gerne ville have den, og fordi han godt vil gøre mig glad, så købte vi den. Og han samlede den.

Det, at det gik op for mig, at den kommode faktisk er et helt håndgribeligt bevis på hans kærlighed til mig, vil nu gøre, at jeg fremover vil se på den i et kærligt skær. Det forholder sig nemlig sådan, at en af min mands måder at vise kærlighed på er at gøre ting for mig og for os. Heldigvis er det et sprog, jeg selv både genkender og forstår. Derfor er jeg i stand til at sætte pris på det, når han gør mig eller os tjenester, der skal sikre os bedst muligt.

Generelt har mennesker fem forskellige primære måder at vise og modtage kærlighed på. Det har den amerikanske præst Gary Chapman fundet ud af og beskrevet. De fem kærlighedssprog er i korthed

• Anerkendende ord
• Tid til hinanden
• Give gaver
• Tjenester
• Berøring

Det er rigtig godt i et parforhold at kende hinandens kærlighedssprog. Hvis den ene giver gaver hele tiden - og den anden forventer tid og nærvær, ja så går de skævt af hinanden, og begge parter kan blive utilfredse. Hvis de nu hver især kender deres eget kærlighedssprog og kan fortælle, hvad de brug for af partneren, så har de starten på både god forståelse og gode samtaler.

Sæt nu, jeg var irriteret over, at min mand samlede kommoden, hvis det vigtigste for mig var, at han fortalte mig, at han elskede mig. Sæt nu, jeg ikke kunne se, at det var præcist, hvad han gjorde ved at samle kommoden for mig?

Kender du din partners kærlighedssprog? Kender du dit eget?

English: 

The other day, my husband and I bought a big dresser from IKEA. As most of you know, you only do that if you really have to. And as per usual, it was really difficult to assemble (partly because some people find following instructions difficult - me for instance). This meant that my husband did it. And now it's all done. During his work with it, I realized that the dresser was a visible manifestation of his love for me. He wouldn't have bought it and he wouldn't have bought that particular model if it was all left up to him. But because I wanted it - and because he likes to make me happy - we bought it. And he assembled it. 

The fact that I realized that the dresser is a very physical evidence of his love to me means that whenever I look at it in the future, I'll look at it with love. You see, it so happens that one of my husband's way of showing love is through acts of service for me and for us. Fortunately, I both know and recognise this. That's why I'm able to appreciate it when he does things for me or for us.

In general, people have one of five different ways of showing and receiving love. This has been discovered and described by the American pastor Dr. Gary Chapman. In short, the five languages of love are

• Words of affirmation
• Acts of service
• Receiving and giving gifts
• Quality time 
• Physical touch
  
  

In a relationship it's very beneficial to know each other's language of love. If one person is touching the other all the time and the other is expecting him or her to do favours instead, well, then they may misunderstand each other and be unhappy. However, if both of them know their particular language of love and are able to say what they need from their partner then they have the beginning of both a good understanding of each other and some very good conversations lined up.

What if I was really irritated that my husband was assembling that dresser when all I wanted was for him to tell me that he loved me. What if I couldn't see that that was exactly what he was doing already?

Do you know your partner's language of love? Do you know your own?